I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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