I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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