I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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