There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
