i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
