just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
