you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
