how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
