Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
