I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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