good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
