I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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