Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
