I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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