he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
