3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
