I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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