I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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