guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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