I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go