sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
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Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...