Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.