if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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