so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
