I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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