You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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