your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
