you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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