2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
