I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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