dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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