so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
