1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
