If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
