Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
