Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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