is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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