he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let's get the cat blown out
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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