Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
