uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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