Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
