So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize