I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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