Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
