how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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