Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!