i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house