I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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