U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED