i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he was CRYING into my vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..