Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure