you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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