She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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