I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we're so committed to being not committed
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
