If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
