i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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