sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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