Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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