Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish there were birth control emojis
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
