Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
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In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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