My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
