when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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