I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The beer is more important than you right now.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
