just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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