So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
