drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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