She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
