i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
