What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
