things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
