So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
