Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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