Quick, to the slutcave!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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