She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
