your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
