my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
