The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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