She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
