The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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