in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
