just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
