Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Be still, my beating vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.