i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE