My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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