I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother