fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
