FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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